More often than not, when people find out my GPA or witness the state of my closet or see my handwriting or really, just observe me for five minutes or longer, they say something to the effect of, “Oh, you’re a perfectionist, aren’t you?” And then they give me a sympathetic little smile. Like, I read a blurb about you people in Psychology Today. I’m so sorry for your condition.

Meanwhile, I’m like, FUCK YEAH, I AM. AND IT’S AWESOME. Here’s why the life of a perfectionist is superior to the life of a non-perfectionist:

1. Our hair is better than yours.
I get a lot of compliments on my hair. I could be modest about the situation, or I could just be real (spoiler: I’m going to be real): I don’t get compliments on my hair by having the “get up and go” mentality when I wake up in the morning.

And for those of you who think things like hair and make-up don’t matter, let me introduce you to:

2. We often seem superhuman.
Perfectionists are actually the worst procrastinators. Our process is a little something like this:

1. Think about what we have to do.
2. Worry about it.
3. Convince ourselves that what we do will not be good enough.
4. Realize we only have x amount of time to get the job done, i.e., we should have started two weeks ago.
5. Communicate with other people who recognize our position and don’t think we can pull it off. (This part is essential — a perfectionist needs someone else to doubt them in order to motivate them.)
6. Not only get it done, but get it done well.
7. Look and feel like a rockstar while we collect praise.

3. Our significant others are really understanding.
Do you know what it is like to watch someone hyperventilate over getting 98% on a final and listen to them retell the tale about how they flip-flopped between choosing “A” and “B” for about 15 minutes until they finally decided it was trick answer “C” (in this scenario, it was actually “B.” IT’S ALWAYS “B.”)?

Probably not, but our significant others do. And they’re still with us. After watching us have a panic attack about… getting an A.

4. We’re always in charge.
I’ve taken leadership classes and workshops and the truth is, I don’t believe a word I’ve heard about different types of leaders. What I do believe is that there are, after some heavy but necessary generalizing, three different types of people: lazy people, apathetic people, and perfectionists. Lazy people aren’t necessarily useless (they will do the bare minimum to get their paycheck), but will choose laziness if given the option. Apathetic people don’t really care what happens, as long as it gets done — and they’re not really sold on that being the primary goal either.

And so, out of the clusterfuck, we rise — because if things don’t go our way, we’ll have an aneurysm.

In sum, we look good, people find our work impressive, our partners put up with some really weird behavior and still adore us, and we generally get our way.

I mean, we’re also usually the most anxious individuals you’ll ever meet, but tons of people look for that trait in a person. Like psychiatrists. So there’s that.