Since the weekend is upon us yet again, I thought I would leave you with some wisdom to make your social life operate more smoothly. Most of this should be common sense, but it’s not, so spread the word.

1. First of all, we’re texting you because either we can’t talk to you or, more likely, we don’t want to talk to you. It’s not our fault! Modern technology has made it impossible for us to be likable in real time. So when we text you a question, don’t feel that the appropriate response is to dial in the answer. It’s not!

2. Don’t leave us hanging. We know that you always have your phone on you because whenever we go out, you look at it more than you look at us, so don’t even try to say that it was on silent under your bed.

3. Using a text message to deliver life-altering news is for meows and people who are about to cease to exist in our contact lists. In case you don’t know what life-altering news entails, don’t propose to us via pixels on a battery-operated device. Similarly, don’t break up with us this way either. And definitely don’t drop the L-word for the first time in a text message unless you’re trying to die alone.

4. You don’t need to have the last word. If you tell us that you’ll be there at 7:30 and we say that we’ll see you then, the conversation is over. You don’t need to do a follow-up “k” or “bye” or “seeya.” Not only is it unnecessary, but you got our hopes up that someone interesting actually wanted to talk to us. Talk about rude!

5. Stop texting while you’re driving. I mean, yeah, we asked if you were going to make it to our Elizabethan trivia party tonight, but you don’t have to die as your excuse! A simple “No, sorry.” once you got to a red light would have sufficed. You might think that you’re really good at texting and driving, but that’s like being really good wrestling wildlife. Eventually, it catches up to you.

Have a good one, and remember — nothing good ever happens after 2 a.m., particularly things that begin in a text message.