1. The “I’m Not Like Other Guys” Guy / The Girl Who Hates Other Girls
This rare breed of human manages to not only believe that they are somehow above others who identify as the same gender, but also that they should be rewarded for their narcissism. The thing is, though, that the guy who thinks he isn’t like other guys is exactly like other guys. And the girl who hates other girls? Well, her logic will usually be one or all of the three: Other girls are bitches, other girls are catty, and/or other girls don’t like her. Most likely, other girls are catty bitches who don’t like her because she is a catty bitch with abysmally low social intelligence.

2. The Sociable Sociopath
He’s so charming that you almost feel honored to be in his company. He kind of asks for a lot of favors, but you’re always really happy to oblige because it makes you feel good for some reason. You were sure that you caught him in a lie or two before, but you soon convince yourself you must be mistaken. He’s done some kind of fucked up things, but his excuses make so much sense that whenever you hear anything about him, you start making excuses for his behavior too. He’s the greatest guy you know, even though come to think of it, you actually don’t know that much about him. Hmm…

3. The One with the Perpetual Pity Party
You’re always a VIP at your friend’s parties — you know, the ones where time seems to slow as you hear about how she gained two pounds before her OKCupid date that was terrible anyway, of course, and he didn’t even ask for her number, so she went home and got drunk and called her ex who didn’t answer because he was probably off having a wonderful time without her, so she realized that none of this fits into her five-year-plan and why is the universe against her? You might feel kind of bad, except that this scenario reruns every Thursday night and it doesn’t come with popcorn.

4. The Unintentional Hipster
You know the one. They describe everything as being totally bourgeois with a hint of disdain. You dread road trips with them because you can’t sing along to anything on their mixes. They take every moment they can get to share with you the “right” way to do everything and gain immense satisfaction when they discover you’d never considered that approach before. They describe things that are totally bland as being “interesting” and “refreshing.” Basically, they’re total assholes.

5. Your Ex-Boyfriend
First of all, shut up. You did fine without him for 20 years. You can live without him. Second of all, he’s really not that great of a friend, and it’s not “bonding” if you’re both ten beers deep and/or post-coital. Third of all, you are jealous, it is obvious, and he does think you’re crazy. Fourth of all, the sex wasn’t that great. No, it wasn’t, because if it was, those searches wouldn’t be in your Google history. You know the ones. And finally — him? Really. Really?