POSTED: October 24th, 2010
Is this a reference to Radiohead, my opinion on which wine would best complement your dinner, or my Oscar predictions last year? It’s anyone’s guess, but the correct answer was secret option d) — my life. I might just be wrong about the whole fucking thing. It really puts bubbling in the incorrect Scantron answer into perspective.
It all more or less started when I was a kid and I thought I was white. My dad was white and my friends were white and basically everyone I saw on TV was white because hey, it was the 90s in America. My mom was Asian, but somehow that didn’t really factor into my decision to be white because she looked kind of Caucasian in the dark if you don’t really know what Caucasian people look like. Plus, whenever I got mad at her, she would tell me that I was free to go and maybe my real mother would let me eat chocolate for dinner or sleep in the bathtub, so I wasn’t really even sure how legitimate our relationship was to begin with. She also liked cheeseburgers, fanny packs, and Elton John, so you can see how one might get confused even without the whole adoption conspiracy.
Then I started taking part in my dad and grandpa’s tradition of going to get a donut and coffee and taking turns reading different sections of the same newspaper and generally ignoring each other for an hour every Sunday morning. I solved a puzzle in the brainteasers section and proudly showed my dad, to which he responded that I was the smartest girl in the world. In the world.
Between that and my parents forcing me to believe in Santa Claus until I was 11, I really didn’t have a solid grip on reality until the time I started menstruating, leaving me with a pretty shaky foundation upon which to build my future. It’s really no wonder that I thought a perm would look good on me when I was 12. On the outside, I was just another 7th grader with bad hair. On the inside, I was living in a fantasy world in which I was a brilliant white girl with great curls.
Anyway, that isn’t the point. The point is that everyone needs to stop asking me what I’m going to be when I grow up now that I’ve, you know, grown up. Sometimes I tell them I’m just going to let fate do its thing (stage whisper: You’re on, Fate! Any day now would be great!) but for some reason, that seems to be the breakfast shake of answers in that it’s quick, fast, and easy, but ultimately unsatisfying. Other times I tell them that I can’t even commit to a Jamba Juice flavor or a bedtime, so really, it’d be reckless to start committing to something like a career.
The rest of the time I tell them that I’m actually working on my transformation to become Stevie Nicks, which is actually my current long-term plan and has been for quite some time. I’ve already got the whole uninterested tambourine fluttering and funeral-chic style down, so I think this thing might really pan out.
But I might be wrong.
I feel when someone asks me what I’m going to do with my life they immediately say, “What slave job are you going to work for 9 hours a day so you could buy stupid things.”
It’s that whole misery loves company thing. I’ll be fine working part time and just making rent. Getting a 9 to 5 career is like a downgrade from freedom. That’s just my two cents on that.
My family use to say I was adopted because I was quiet.
This is my favorite entry of yours, thus far. I laughed at the mother adoption conspiracy line.
You can be anything you want. You can be several things in a life time. So far, I’ve been a nurse, a mother and a daycare provider. I might be a published author someday. I might even be a flight attendant in the future. Who knows? I’m never going to be done growing up until I’m dead. Don’t you be either!
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” seems to be a question that gets asked when you’re really little, and when you’re grown up, but not old.
My mom always told me to take things as they come and just do my best. Maybe fate is waiting for the right moment to give you your inspiration. Who knows?
Oh I hate that question. It seems like you must have a specific goal and career in mind, and if you don’t know or don’t want to know what you want to do you’re an idiot.
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I’d love to be able to say that the pressure to provide an answer to that idiotic question lessens with time. Sadly, that is not the case.
What you can be and what you can do can and should change often. Why would anyone want to limit their growth and potential by locking down in an identity while they are still so very young.
With all the awful (though some say miraculous) science and healthcare progress we humans live for a very long long time. You are still very early into your journey. Relax.
“that seems to be the breakfast shake of answers in that it’s quick, fast, and easy, but ultimately unsatisfying”
There is so much that I love about this post! Which I found via creeping on Chelsea’s comments (I loved yours). ANYWAY. If Stevie Nicks is your calling by all means, answer the damn phone.
I am so with you on the what do you want to be when you grow up thing. I am “grown” physically and my mental age is debatable. I still juggle between 5 or 6 life choices, but I still cannot commit to any of them.
What if I’m wrong and its not what I want? That’s wasted time & energy on something that is not going to work out for me. But then sitting around thinking/waiting for something to fall on me is kind of a waste of my life as well.
I just want to stay young, indecisive and have fun for my whole life. Getting old can stay away, please. When you figure out how to stop aging, let me know.
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