Since Almie of Apocalypstick and I are huge proponents of the “those who can’t do, teach” philosophy, we’ve decided to join forces to spread our wisdom across the world (failing that, to anyone who will listen). The fact that we don’t personally have our lives completely together (or together at all, depending on the day of the week) is just the qualification we need to coach you back to brilliance. Or back to passing as normal. It really depends on how fucked up your situation is — like I said, we’re spreading wisdom here, not miracles.

If you are in need of some major life decisions made for you, like whether or not the barista you always wink at would think you were a creep if you started following him on Twitter or what kind of passive-aggressive gift you should get for your mother this holiday season, click here to tell us your troubles and check back next Monday here and at Apocalypstick to see where your life should be headed. To misquote Chris Martin, “lights will guide you home, blah blah blah your bones, and [we] will try to fix you.”

English translation: We’re going to do an “advice” (define advice however you want) post and participation is mandatory.