POSTED: November 4th, 2010
Have you ever played the game Six Degrees (originally Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, but nobody worth playing with is into version 1.0 anymore)? It’s kind of like mental celebrity chess, in that you have to connect two celebrities to each other in six moves or less. Shut up, I said it’s kind of like.
This game is based on the theory that you can basically connect everyone on the planet in six degrees or less, and while we’re on the subject, I’m very curious as to who the missing links are between me and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I’m just putting that out there in case you’re one of them. Call me.
Anyway, on a smaller and more irrelevant scale, people play this game every day, only they don’t know they’re doing it, they’re really dismal participants, and they’re creating uncomfortable social situations everywhere they turn.
For example, a really important question that people like to ask each other around here that always, without fail, comes up when you meet someone new is, “Where did you go to high school?” I’m not sure why, but I think it’s the Pennsylvanian equivalent of “so, the weather is nice today.”
There are only a few possible outcomes from asking such a question:
1. “I went to _______________.”
“Oh my god, me too! What year were you?”
“’06.”
“Oh, cool. I was ’01.”
“Oh. Cool.”
“So I wouldn’t have known you.”
“Right.”
“Hey, were the lockers still red when you went there?”
“Yup. So dum–”
“–I loved those.”
“…”
“…”
2. “I went to _______________.”
“Oh my god, me too! What year were you?”
“’04.”
“Oh my god, me too! Wait…”
“You don’t remember me?”
“Nope…”
3. “I went to _______________.”
“Oh. I went to _______________.”
“Cool!”
“Yeah, it was a pretty good time.”
“I bet.”
“Yup.”
“Yeah.”
No matter what the response, the question “where did you go to high school?” procures only enough discourse to last as long as the average Hollywood romance. After that, you’re back at square one, only accompanied with an awkward aftermath and the added bonus of the person you’re talking to having all the assurance they need to come to the conclusion that you’re socially challenged.
And that isn’t even the bad part.
When people ask me where I went to high school, I tell them that I’m from California and three out of five times, this is the response I get: “No way! Do you happen to know Ella Fernandez/Derek Sullivan/Collin Wilson/my ex-boyfriend Ricky? He/she lives in California too.”
To put this into perspective, here is what the question is asking: “If I list one person out of almost forty million, do you think the name might ring a bell?” Meeting new people: Great for your Facebook friend count; bad for elementary probability.
And here’s the thing — even if I do know Ella Fernandez, which would never happen, where can we possibly go from there? We can’t invite her over to third-wheel this already unsalvageable encounter — she lives 3,000 miles away. We can discuss her personality (“sweet and kind of a hippie”), but that only lasts as long as discussing the hallways of our old high school.
So even if you are just dying to know if the people around you went to your high school or know your ex-guitarist, think that shit through and don’t ask. It’s one degree to nowhere.
I used to live in St. Louis, and this crap happens ALL THE TIME there. I’m not originally from there, so I just took to answering people with, “I’m not from your country” (not true, but still funny). The answer, though, does give the person a lot of unspoken information: where you were raised, what tax bracket you were in, what religion, etc… Not totally useless, but definitely annoying.
This post is funny, and true. I ask people which high-school they went to whenever someone says they’re from Philadelphia. I do this to test if they grew up in the city, or they’re just pretending that they did. For some reason, this really bothers me.
Life would be so much more pleasant if people stopped pretending they cared about crap like that.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt was filming his movie in building – so maybe that’s 3 degrees for you?
I’ve had the opposite experience. Every time I meet someone we seem to know all the same damn people… My roommate (in NY) was childhood friends with a close friend from college (in CA), my coworker used to intern for my roommate’s uncle, another coworker grew up with a college friend’s ex. Every time I facebook someone and look at our mutual friends it’s always “what the…..???”. Oh – and I met this guy a couple nights ago, “from California”. I said, “Oh I went to school there.” Turns out we lived on the same street. Umm.
reply by filleosophy:
November 6th, 2010 at 10:44 am
You have the most incestuous social life. It’s oddly intriguing.
People ask me if I knew “so and so” in high school. It’s such an awkward moment when I don’t.
reply by filleosophy:
November 6th, 2010 at 10:42 am
I think smiling, nodding, and running is the best approach to situations like these.
Well, in country as small as Finland you can’t really miss that. There’s always someone who knows someone who knows somenone who knows you. Even if you lived in other country for like 20 years people will still remember you in the way “oh, she was the hippie girl from that group. she went to art school and stuff.” and it never goes well.
And of course if you get to know someone big it’s something people always talk about. SHE/HE knows that little big celeb over there.. they’re like friends.
Small countries, best gossip. Seriously.
reply by filleosophy:
November 6th, 2010 at 10:42 am
You know what that means: Time to move.
One of my French teachers at Columbia had JGL as a student! It was several years before I started, but still.
reply by filleosophy:
November 6th, 2010 at 10:41 am
So apparently I have three very distant connections to JGL in my comments section. WHO WOULD’VE THOUGHT? I mean, other than the creators of the six degrees theory…
You and I are friends on Livejournal, I’m in a band, and one of my bandmates made out with JGL at South by Southwest.
Bam!
reply by filleosophy:
November 6th, 2010 at 10:40 am
Hmm… that was easy. Almost TOO easy…
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