POSTED: December 21st, 2010
I have a very important announcement to make this morning and that announcement is that “cute” has been added to the list of adjectives that are never okay to call a human being. I mean, if someone told you that you looked cute on your wedding day, you’d kill them, and I think it’s important to live every day like it’s your wedding day.
The only things worse than being called “cute” are being called “sweet” and showing up to a holiday party wearing the same dress as your mother-in-law. That’s it. There is nothing worse.
And here’s the thing about “cute”: It’s a catch-all word for other people’s children and, more commonly, people who rank unremarkable in every category one can compliment. Also, old people.
Think about it like this: Have you ever heard anyone say, “He’s drop dead gorgeous, but I wouldn’t fuck him”? How about, “He’s an incredibly talented guitarist and admirable philanthropist, but not marriage material”? You haven’t, because what they say is, “He’s cute, but I wouldn’t fuck him,” and “He’s cute, but not marriage material.” And really, if it won’t get you laid, hitched, or closer to a Kennedy, then what’s the point?
And now, we begin to see that “cute” is more of a lifelong affliction than it is a compliment. All “cute” means is that you’re marginally more attractive than Steve Buscemi and you have a tolerable personality — so basically, you’re completely average and no one will ever masturbate with you in mind.
Past the age of twelve and short of being a Sanrio character, being cute sucks. So be crazy. Be beautiful. Be reserved. Be funny. Be sexy. Be “that guy.” Be a Samantha. Be smart. Be a snob. Be creative. Be classy. Be weird. Be perpetually late. Be an alcoholic. Be an awkwardly charming blogger with great hair. Be a fucking florist. Just don’t be cute.
By the way, “adorable” is totally not the same thing as “cute” and is completely acceptable in the right context. As an example, when your boyfriend tells you that you look adorable in your sweatpants and greasy hair, he gets to live. But when that guy at the end of the bar says he had to come over to talk to you because you’re so adorable, run! Also, kill him.
It’s a tricky world out there, but I think you’ve got this.
The boyfriend used to call me cute all the time, until I told him to shut it with the “you’re so cute” because I would leave him if he said that again. He stopped. He did start using the word “adorable” which is definitely a better word to say than “cute.”
I was always the “cute” one and my younger sisters were the “pretty” ones. Not a great way to build a teenager’s self-esteem. Luckily, my looks don’t bother me that much anymore. I look younger than my younger sisters. HAH!! :-P
Oh no, I describe things as cute all the time. It’s always been a positive word for me. All the boys I had crushes on from grades four to now have been “cute.” The clothes I pick out at the store are “cute.” I do use other words to describe things I like, but cute is a good fallback.
I think being called ugly, fat, or a bitch is significantly worse than being called cute or sweet… just sayin’. Getting called “nice” is a lot worse than “cute”. People just aren’t very articulate anymore. I wouldn’t be offended. It’s worse when people call EVERYONE beautiful or stunning… it’s so fake. If we started using more powerful words to describe the everyday, it would cheapen those words. It’d be like what happened to Italians with the word bello/bella and the other 4577358 variations.
To quote the great Annie Savoy “Cute? Baby ducks are cute. I HATE cute. I want to be exotic and mysterious.”
(Bull Durham)
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Very amusing blog. I Can’t wait to read more =]
Love this. Cute is so ambiguous, I hate when people tell me I am “cute”. What is that even supposed to mean?
I love this! People call me “cute” all of the time, and I always want to tell them that babies are cute. Furry animals are cute. 20 something year old women are supposed to be hot, pretty, or beautiful. But I usually just say thank you and walk away.
Transvestites seem to like to refer to themselves as being “cute”.
this is so so accurately true, like every other one of your posts. I am so happy and thankful to see you posting again!! Yayyy.
I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK
This blog post is cute.
… Do I get a death sentence?
I’m actually completely okay with being “cute” some of the time. If people started telling me cuteness is the one word that describes me, though, I would punch them.
you’re back and alive!
recently, a guy friend who just professed his feelings for me said that he’s liked me for a long time and that i was really cute. i wanted to slaughter him. i replied with, “i don’t want to be cute.” he went, “fine, you’re very beautiful. i always thought you were.” then i said, “now you’re just full of shit.”
“cute” makes me feel like i’m 12 or that girl with the “great personality” who makes you laugh, but not hot/sexy enough to fuck.
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